(Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Chinatown here in the heart of Los Angeles
The Golden Pagoda on this special occasion presents to you live at the piano bar
The fine talent of Ugly Duckling)
Who can maneuver on Shoots and Ladders to a make believe land
The Andyman can (the Andyman can)
Freddy was keen and loaned me the Mystery Machine
When I promised him green for gasoline (jinkies)
I travel by the gravel of tobacco road
In a race to catch up with a place that time forgot
Took a Lojack from Kojak
And Andy Capp's handicap sticker
So I could find a parking spot in the lot
Greeted upon arrival by drums of steel
And a one man band called surreal
I asked him of law and regulation and he said it was up to me
This is no longer reality, in here I was truly free
So I went to Sesame Street and found Telly
So he could sell me peanut, peanut butter, jelly
I had to pay back Pat Sajak so I got $200
And when I passed go, saw Glass Joe and delivered a mighty blow
Uncle Scrooge warmed illusion, got his assets frozen
And George of the Jungle ran into that tree
Me I found Whimpy in the Sea Hag’s fog
Said I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a Winky Dinky Dog
From a cookout where I saw the Captain with his hook out
Making shish kabobs out of Etch-a-Sketch knobs
Then I went to Judy Blume’s for dinner and she wouldn’t let me budge
Till I drank all my Freckle Juice to wash down my Superfudge
Boarded a great space coaster
Then transferred to a toaster that in a hardware war flies
But at that time a chime startled my ears
And I was awakened to the sight of colorful spots in my eyes
Sweet dreams on my ticker tape parade route
Where good guys ride off into the sunset, fade out
And you too can visit the next time you nap
On a journey to anywhere you can draw your own map
A yawn tells my mom that it’s time for bed
But with a touch of pixie dust I can fly instead
I’m bound to leave the ground so I
Open up the windows of my room
To look up at space and face the moon
That’s becoming a balloon in an old cartoon
It must be Wacky Wednesday cuz I see my favorite sensei
Hong Kong Phooey
And there’s the Groovie Ghoulies who are rockin
With Pippi Longstocking and her papa
As Little Hiawatha hit the stream for a swim
I had my scuba gear near so I followed him in
And grabbed a hold of a tail of a manta ray
And we began to play but then he swam away
So I boogied on my board using an oar
To head back to the shore where I can boogie on the floor
I did the penguin to the shuffle to the hustle to a back spin
Then I heard "let's get ready to rumble"
My pet rock named Schleprock who slept in a tube sock
Was going a couple rounds with a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot
But I couldn’t get a ticket so I had to sneak in
And we damn near got caught cuz his sneakers kept squeakin
Then I jumped on my Psycho Stick and hopped the top
Of a suburb curb, man I gotta move quick
Cuz if I hurry up and get the Magetti ready
I’ll return home a hero and be showered with confetti
Close your eyes and climb aboard this cruise
To the state of no limits and bring your sleep walkin shoes
It’s not an acquittal so we don’t need the rap
On a journey to anywhere we can draw our own map
